my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
