So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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