I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
