i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The power of my boobs compel you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
