Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
two words...techno handjob
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
