If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
