I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
