It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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