im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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