I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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