Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
