I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
