If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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