I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
