Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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