I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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