Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
