we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
