i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
