A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
