Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
