Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
