my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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