Why are handjobs necessary in class?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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