FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
