if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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