Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
