he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
