***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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