he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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