I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
