Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he shaved USA in his pubs
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
