Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
