This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
