So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
