Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
