my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
