Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
