i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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