Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
