My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
