why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We need to rekindle our bromance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
