Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
