i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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