we have officially lost it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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