well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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