ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
