so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
