if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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