i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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