dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
