exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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